Sex Positivity and Conservatism

I was wondering about something.  I wondered if sex positivity and conservatism could possibly go together.  Many more liberal minded people would probably say no.  After all, conservatives want to take away birth control,  and access to sexual health information.  Is that exactly true?  I don't think so.  At least not for me.  Sure, some republicans, mostly of the more fundamentalist religious stripe, want to take away those things.  That is NOT what I believe.  I have said it before and will say it again.  Everyone should have access to health information and that includes accurate information about sexual issues, birth control, STDs, etc.  People should be educated about consent and the possible emotional issues involved with sexual activity.

Thing is, though, that I seem to lose touch with this sex positive stuff when they start saying that promiscuity is a good thing for some people.  Yes, I understand that not everyone is the same.  Not everyone lives by the same moral standards or views sex the same way.  I realize that I am reading this through my own views.  I also realize that promiscuous cannot really be defined and that it is typically used against women and not men.  It is a loaded term, for sure.  I am introducing bias into this.

First, I want to say that sex doesn't do anything to anyone that a lot of religious presentations say it does.  Women do not become "used goods" or "chewed pieces of gum."  That is a horrible way to think of a human being.  Sex has in no way an on the worth of any human being.  However, it is an activity that carries a lot of risks, physical and potentially emotionally.  In my view it is not something to be taken lightly.  Something can potentially produce new life, or introduce disease should be treated carefully.

It is it wrong that if I had children that I would want them to have a positive view of sex while at the same time discouraging them from sexual activity until they are older?  I wouldn't want to focus on the negatives.  I wouldn't want them to be shamed and scared like I was.  This where my bias comes in.  I would like for them to be in a relationship where they are mature, trust their partner and are educated in all aspects.  Maybe this is because I can't imagine having sex in a situation where I didn't have an emotional connection to the person.  That is my thing.

Studies have shown fewer risks for women who wait until their early 20's to have sex.  In part, because they typically have fewer partners.  Possibly because they are more mature more likely to practice safer sex.  Maybe because they are more emotionally mature and know more of what they want  out of a sexual relationship.  Of course, all of this could be conjecture.  Anyway, my point is that waiting has its benefits and I don't want that to get thrown out.

Sex can be a wonderful experience in the right situation with the right preparation.  It is natural and healthy.  Of course, I have my views about my own personal situation and so does everyone else.  I don't want tell anyone how to run that very private part of their life.  Anything that happens between consenting adults is nothing I would legally fight.  I just don't want to live in a society that makes sex a very causal thing when in so in many ways it is anything but.

So what does this make me?  Am I sex positive or still too "puritan?"

How to Disagree

Lurking around the internet you often see some vile things.  People take the masks off and their true nature comes out.  People suddenly lose their kindness and civility, it seems.  What triggered this was seeing a nasty comment left on an atheist blog left by a so called Christian.  It was insulting, rude and deplorable, to say the least.  Name calling, death threats, and outlandish accusations are never appropriate or necessary.  Honestly, it says much more about the person writing it than the person it is written about.  Surely, we all say unkind things but it seems the internet makes that easier.  Problem is rules don't change or shouldn't change just because you are hiding behind a screen.  Believe in God or not you should want to have integrity, which means acting the same regardless of who is watching, or in this case, reading.  If you have to hide behind anonymous comments, there is a problem.  Thus, this brings me to what I consider appropriate and inappropriate ways to disagree.

Do's:
*Listening to a person.  That means really listening, not just pretending.  Think about the points they are making and how you could possibly learn something from them.
*Go in with an open mind.  Realize that you possibly be wrong or misguided in some regard.  After all, none of us know everything.
*Be respectful.  Everyone likes to be treated like their ideas matter and they are worth your time.
*Educate yourself on various points of view.  At least know what you are talking about.  No one likes to argue against a strawman!

Don'ts:
*Going in with the idea that you are going to change the other person.  This impedes true listening and understanding.  You can't have an open mind if you are always right.
*Name calling/insults.  It just makes you look like you don't have any real points so you must attack the other person.
*Making everything personal.  Just because you disagree with someone does not make them terrible.  Yes, you feel strongly about a lot of subjects but so doesn't the other person!
*Arrogance/superiority.  This goes along with changing the other person.  You are not the sole arbiter of truth on the planet, so don't act like it!

A lot of this boils down to treating people how you would want to be treated.  And frankly, it makes you arguments look weak when you can't present them in logical, calm, respectful way.  Emotions can take a good discussion into a bad place, sometimes.  Some empathy would go a long way.  No one likes being attacked or treated badly.

I heard a good piece of advice, "love your neighbor as yourself..."

Nor'easter in October!

A little different post from normal, but I am kind of a weather enthusiast.  I am a resident of the northeast, so we are expecting a big snow storm.  It seems like we didn't even have fall, and now we are being forced into winter.  Of course, in the northeast we are not immune to long winters and lots of snow.  From the forecasts it looks like 4-6 inches, maybe more with possible power outages.  We will have to wait and see about this unusual storm.

A nice mix of fall and winter.  Bundle up everyone!

What I Think About the Purity Movement

Anyone heard of those purity balls, you know the ones where the fathers and daughters dress up and go on a "date"?  Yeah I think it's odd.  Some of these girls are not even teenagers.  This is coming from a person who doesn't believe in premarital sex for religious and moral reasons.  Why the requirement that the father "guard" their virginity?  Can they not make a decision about this when they are older?
Now let's make one thing clear: I do not embrace the whole modern hookup scene.  I think that it is destructive and pointless.  I could go on and on about this but the point is that the purity balls are an extreme swing in the other direction.  I have nothing against purity pledges but they are not necessary.  This is something someone must have a desire to do.  No authority figure can make you follow through with something if it is not in your will.
Then there is the whole not touching the opposite sex before marriage if you are not related.  I know that Orthodox Jews follow this.  I would be interested if someone could explain how this is achieved?  As conservative as I am I have already broken this.  Does shaking hands in a formal situation count?  I guess you would just explain it to people.  Anyway, I guess the point of my rambling was that following God's laws about sexuality comes down to your desire to please God not that of your father.
Also, I do respect anyone who can do the no touching thing, I applaud you, having never been in a relationship, I cannot imagine what that is like.