Wait...this is not as depressing as it sounds.
There are some reasons why according to some I will never be a good Christian. I listen to secular music. I occasionally drink a wine cooler. Talk about some Christian subjects do not excite me (such as "end times" stuff). In a weird way it sends my anxiety level up. I don't actively try to convert people unless the subject comes up and even then I prefer to have a conversation and listen to the person. I think that sometimes we miss the point of treating people as individuals loved by God. So what does all this make me? Someone who has faith in Christ but someone who is human.
I am opinionated. I check everything I hear, even if it comes from a Christian source. I believe that God expects me to discern right from wrong not just follow the teaching of another human. I don't believe that following more rules makes me more a better person, if not done in the right spirit. I can never prove to God that I deserve his love. Truth is none of us are deserving of that.
I could never become a hardcore Christian that shuns society. I believe that I make my biggest impacts on society when I am actually participating in society. When I did Habitat for Humanity I experienced God more in doing that than I ever have trying to live a strict Christian life, with all the "rules." I finally knew what it was love your neighbor in action.
Although I am far from an ideal, striving is my goal. My faith does waiver at times. I have never lost faith even during times when it was weak. There was a strange sense that God wanted me back. I can't describe faith as something that I generated because there were times in my life when God was the one pulling me back. I couldn't bear the thought of never communicating with God again. When I read the Gospels I knew those were for me.
Sure I don't put up Christian facebook statuses everyday or try to convert everyone I meet, but I am not looking to be a "good" Christian. There is no such thing. I may listen to secular music and drink wine coolers but I have faith, although imperfect, that I couldn't stay away from God if I wanted to (and I wouldn't!). There are no "good" Christians. There are only those that put their faith in Christ and live their lives according to that. Faith is something that is only real when you apply it to real life.
To me this means that my decisions are based upon what God would want. Everyday I pray for the strength to do the right thing no matter the situation and everyday I fail in some way. This is not meant to be discouraging but rather shows the mercy that God has upon us. Everyday I ask for guidance in my decisions and how I can be a Christian to those around me. I will never forget the time someone told me that I the first "real" Christian that had met because I spent more time caring rather than condemning. Of course, I can only do this by the grace of God but sometimes I recall that when I struggle in my faith. I hope that they remember that when they meet another Christian and it will help them to see a small portion of the love of God.
Well, there you have it. I am not a "good" Christian. I don't follow all the rules. All I know is God loves me and everyone else and my sins have been taken care of. All I have to do is have faith, which God supplies me with everyday.
